To some, it may be silly. To others, pointless.
To some, it’s naive positivity. To others, a resented point of view.
To me, it’s a necessity and the SMILES will continue.
They must continue…
Since the onset of this COVID-19 craziness, I’ve experienced a myriad of emotions.
I’ve gone from fear of an unknown virus ravaging the world and destroying all I hold dear to anger over the decisions made by others, decisions that affect my safety and the safety of my family.
I’ve moved from sadness over the death of people that I know, that I’ve worshipped with, that I’ve worked with, to relief over my own suspicious symptoms being deemed non-virus related.
I’ve worried about family and friends, praying for the safety of those who remain healthy and for the healing of those who are fighting for their lives in isolation.
I’ve been grateful that my job is considered essential, that I can make a paycheck, pay my bills, buy groceries, while simultaneously feeling guilty that I’m still working when so many are not and are struggling to make ends meet.
I’ve been anxious, stressed and overwhelmed as I’ve navigated these uncertain times with a husband who has been dealing with major health issues, non-virus issues, but problems that seem to have no remedy, problems that keep arising and causing him to worry, stress and be overwhelmed.
I’ve found solace in Scripture and listening to worship music throughout the day only to have that consolation disappear as the lights turn out at night and the prayers begin…
Why, God? How much more of this can we take? How long, Lord?
I am emotionally exhausted.
There are times I want to give in to it all – to the fear, the anxiety, the stress. There are times when I can barely fight back the tears, those same tears that flow so freely as I’m writing this post. There are times I feel helpless believing there’s nothing I can do to make things any different.
But maybe I can.
Maybe, I can hang on to my faith. Maybe, I can trust that no matter what happens, all will be well. Maybe, I can share that hope with others.
So, guess what? I’m going to keep grasping for reasons to SMILE. I’m going to keep thinking of ideas that will spread those SMILES to others because I need to. I need to focus on the light, on the hope. I need to focus on the Source of that hope.
If I don’t, well…
My sanity, my emotional health, my faith, my hope – there’s just too much at stake.